“When you’re 18, the shit really hits the fan”…

This is perhaps the truest quote I’ve chosen to ignore. Until now.

When I was 17 I was kicked out. Everything before that was worse than the actual kicking out part. And, I quite vividly remember, during the worser parts, that things can’t ever possibly get even less enjoyable? I mean, I was enemies with my parents, my first love had been stolen from me and I had been locked away, emotionally and in certain respects, physically. Being so young, trapped and helpless in amongst such hatred you begin to loose your mind. I always felt I had the capacity to breakdown and become a sort of ‘thug’ but I never really wanted to. I always maintained my sense of humour and my positivity.

Since being kicked out (an unsettling abrupt way to fall bollocks first into the pit of sharks that is ‘the big wide world’) things have slowly but surely gotten shittier than ever before.

I have no time left to give where I am staying currently. I have moved from house to house, hoping that at some point I will find somewhere to settle. I then of course discovered my current ’supported’ housing. Support my ass, why don’t you! Obviously, I’ve been looking at London more personally than ever before – Yes, it is filled with homeless people, stabbings and grey building after grey building but that is to be expected. There’s one thing London has that makes me smile like a nut-job and that is such a mix of cultures, such diversity! Everybody from anywhere, all together, getting on with what they do. Rarely does some chump choose to judge you, at least, not in the centre of it all. I have desperately fallen out of love with my ‘home’ town because everyday I see it get grimier and less appealing, with lesser and lesser prospects. Compare this to where everything I want to do, have and explore is situated (London) and it gets quite frustrating.

As you grow older you encounter more human beings. I’ve had amazing luck. At school everybody got on with everyone else, we were one big, happy family with not one bad word to say about it! Then, college, performing arts – This introduced me to another unforgettable bunch of friends. But once you get a little more responsability on your back, you of course have to meet people outside of education. This is all well and good – But then you begin paying closer attention to your immediate surroundings. Every single day I am dissapointed with my generation. Yobbos. Thugs. ‘Chavs’. Stealing, angry, rude, filth with a total and utter disregard for others.

Pile on top of that money worries, security worries, educational worries, and a lot of other worries and you’ve got yourself a mental breakdown. I feel trapped again, in a different way, and I worry. A lot. About everything. It’s my natural thing that I do. And, I know it’s pointless. There’s nothing you can do about stuff you can’t change, or haven’t done yet. But now I find that there is so much to worry about at the moment in my life – Another move, how to go about that move, bills, rent, food, jobs, possibility of losing a job, lifestyle choices, chav scum and paying your boyfriend enough attention – It’s so difficult. In fact, I’ve been worrying so much that to try and seperate each worry from the other would be ridiculous attempt, even though I just tried. There comes a time when you can’t establish what it is you’re worrying about at all and you just feel so weak, so tired and so uncontrollably angry at everything. Oh, and that’s another thing! Despite worry and stresses affecting you mentally, they get to you physically too, and both at the same time in some instances. Like, for example, my completely through-the-roof sleeping pattern. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, sleeping or waking, eating or wanking.

But then, of course, there’s one thing you forget to worry about in amongst all the crap. And as soon as you remember what it is, you feel even more naff. Who you are. Who am I? When I do my video blogs these days, it’s more of a show – I can remember a time when it was less of a show. I can remember who I was. I was confident in myself and what I wanted to do and as I’ve said, positive about everything. Absolutely everything. Now, I’m some angry git. I’m turning into chav scum. Well, maybe not.

I also sometimes wonder if this is just me being stupid. As most of my time at home with the parents was mostly fighting (I do get on better with the oldies these days though) I never really got the chance to prepare. So, there goes me with my positivity into the ‘real’ world to get it torn to shreds by everybody who knows what they’re doing! Then again, lots of people my age go on to live at home for further years of their lives. They are given longer to aquire knowledge.

Right now I’m in a situation I am nowhere near fond of. I need to get away from here. I need to give myself a break. I need to remember who I was and what I should be doing. I am not acting my age. I’m being bludgened with stress and I need to just find myself a way to escape back into some long awaited, and much earned, happiness. I mean, I’m all for action and life-problems but right now, I’ve got too many problems all piled up on top of each other and it’s turned into a rather dangerous game of jenga. Only difference being I cannot afford to lose.

Any help or any suggestions, however unclear this blog post might have been, would be appreciated.

Say goodbye to the best porno site ever…

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS NUDITY!

When I was all young and wanting to discover what sex was, I found a little website known as BoyCumparty (then, TeenboyCumparty) and from that moment onwards I knew exactly what sex was, and what the hottest, most horniest, passionate, raunchy, exhausting, orgasmic, cum-covered, sweaty, explosive,  best sex was!

One day I was googling explicit words and came across (quite literally) a small, incredibly fast paced, trailer for perhaps the hottest gay fuck scene I have ever watched in my life. Watching this so early on in my life was amazing. And, even though I was a mere school boy, I knew I’d found the sexiest material on the internet. The trailer I saw consisted of latino boys Santiago and Juan Carlos going at it. What shocked me more than anything was how willing the producers were to put every single cum shot in the trailer! This is clever. It gets the viewer rock hard, dribbling pre-cum, desperately gagging for more. The trailer is so fast paced it’s difficult to see the detail, hear the groans, see the reactions. So, it’s decided, as soon as the trailer finishes – You need more.

Santiago & Juan Carlos

The first I saw of all the orginal cute guys from BoyCumparty was on a trailer for a film called ‘Twink Academy’. There were two films actually, which of course I later discovered – One being ‘Open Day‘ and the other being ‘Field Trip‘. These were immensley, crazily horny too. At the time it was also acting out some nifty little fantasies I had! I was at school after all! The only unsettling thing about these trailers, however, was that, these insanely cute looking guys are dressed in school uniform – They look so young. Is this legal? Apparently so. However, some people out there, some dirty, old, pervy people, might like the look of these hairless boys in uniform so much they go out to find their own. Personally, there’s nothing about completely hairless guys that get me excited. It’s unrealistic. I was watching these cuties fucking when I was at school, so I suppose I could relate.  I went on to discover the boys at BoyCumparty and that was that. The reason I had to keep going back and watching more wasn’t because of the simplest of things with other sites, it was because this sex was hardcore! These guys were loving it! It was so passionatte! The cum guzzling, the fast pace, the panting – It was just such good jacking material and, really well made!

What also attracted me to the site when I was younger were the recurring characters. Juan Carlos was a favourite, as were Xavier, William, Trend, Santiago and the late-arrivals to the set of boys I view as the ‘originals’, Alfredo and Jesid. There were others too, obviously ‘characters’ but because they kept coming back and had such individuality, and adored what they were doing so much it lept out your monitor and slapped you in the cock, they became like the cast of High School Musical to me. Sad, I know. But they were all so good at what they did.

Juan Carlos

Xavier

William

Trend

Santiago

Alfredo

Jesid

The site became more widely known and DVDs sprang up – The ‘Bareback Cum Party‘ was arguably the hottest series (apart from one that emerged later). The videos on these DVDs were taken directly from BoyCumparty, put together by ‘OTB’. Understandably, these were quite expensive and for some reason rare on UK websites. I thought perhaps some OTB DVDs coud be found in the shops but, none. Along with most of the black gay porn I watch too – Unnavailable. PAL versions exist, but they can’t be found in Prowler stores, Clone Zone, or any other adult stores I’ve ventured into.

Ordering OTB DVDs from American websites seemed my best bet, and I eventually got round to doing this when OTB out-did themselves. After having read this far, how believable is it that the boys from BoyCumparty could put together something even sexier than anything that has gone before? Well, it’s true and it came (quite a few times) in the form of a DVD entitled ‘The Fuck Club‘. This naturally had an EVEN SEXIER sequel, subtitled ‘Gang Bang‘, which included a crazy 52 cumshots from our favourite boys. Well, I say favourites – Unforutnately by this time Santiago seemed to have vanished. But most of the rest were still around.

Anyway, in relation to this blog’s title, BoyCumparty is closing down. This struck me quite hard. I had grown up with this website and without it, I probably wouldn’t know what I now know about hot sex. I had also watched the site evolve too – I’d seen it go from a place on the internet which was quite special and different, to something more widely spread, spawning of sister sites like XXXtreme Twinks and Twink Sex Instructors. I don’t know what OTB’s plans are for the boys but apparently, they’re rethinking how every aspect of their porn gets out. So, we might see them do something even better than before, which they’ve done plenty of times already, or it could be the end of an era. Maybe it’s up to a completely different company to get hornier than ever before. Who knows.

Despite my sadness at BoyCumparty’s demise, the site had nearly lost touch with what it used to be so good at. For example, the characters, our favourite performers seemed to have been left behind for continuously different boys. They introduced silly storylines to some of their videos and although this could be a positive move, in that these stories were introduced in a completely original way, they just weren’t needed.

And so, we say goodbye to BoyCumparty and OTB’s current empire in exchange for, who knows? Hopefully we’ll see our favourite characters return at some point in the future but, until then, gay porn will be missing it’s best ever website.

PS. It is also important to remember that every single one of OTB’s bareback videos came with one simple warning – As sexy as it looks, doing it without a condom is the stupidest thing you can do. Without being more than 100% sure of your sexual partners’ status you shouldn’t even think about doing it for real.

My twin brother is a PORN-STAR!

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS NUDITY!

In my previous post I told you about a geezer I found on the internet who looks as though he could be my twin brother. It would appear that I’m probably not wrong. I’ve sat here surveying the differences but I only keep finding more and more similarities between the both of us! It really is uncanny.

He’s in a solo video on the porno website ‘BlakeMason‘ – He states at the start that he is from Kent, which is also where I am from. I couldn’t find out if this was true and if it was, I wouldn’t know where to go looking in Kent to try and find out more about the fellow. Anyway, he then starts to have some great big wank, climaxing with a cum-shot that looks more like a fireworks show.

I’m obviously pulling your leg. Not as in asking it out for a drink, as in taking the piss. Sonny (or to refer to him by his full name – ‘Sonny Jim’) is indeed your very own Roo-Bags! Well, you probably guessed that judging by my rather lengthy post a few weeks ago in which I discuss the fluff you get from the inside of a new a pair of underpants. Check that out if you want to read up on about my inside experience!

Twins?

Here I go onto the interweb for some quick jacking material and what do I find? My potential long lost twin, that’s what! The likeness between me and this ‘Sonny’ character is incredible. I mean, where the hell has he been hiding? We look the same. We sound the same. He even has a Sugar Puffs T-shirt like I do! The coincidences are too frequent and I’m beginning to worry. I don’t think my parents told me the whole truth.

I would go and search for my long lost brother who goes by the name of ‘Sonny’ however I fear this may not be his real name. I’m going to have to do some deeper research into this if I ever want to find out if I do have a secret sibling. Hm, I’ll get back to you all if I get any news on this delicate matter.

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO – Random dancing man!!

Me, David and Will were up in London for the day, enjoying the buzz and what do we find? This strange man dancing in the middle of Trafalgar Sqaure. Well, why? He can’t dance. There’s no music. He’s a bit large. Everybody is ignoring him. Very odd. Here’s a cheeky look at what he got up to while he was allowed out the nut-house that night.

A Man that Danced @ Yahoo! Video

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO – “Shut Your Tits!!”

Monica, Santino and Pauline from ‘Shut Your Tits’ on HCTV came round for a laugh and so did ol’ college chums Luke and Jack. Monica, Santino and Pauline got drunk. Pauline got even more drunk. Luke and Jack, and of course myself, were left to watch the chaos that followed. You yourself can take a sneaky look into the ‘action’ using the link below to another helloandwelcome exclusive!

The Drunks @ Yahoo! Video

NEVER wear NEW underpants when you’re doing PORNO!

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS NUDITY!

Well, well. Isn’t it funny how your life moves on? If you told me a year ago I’d be on a boat in the middle of the sea, with two complete strangers I’d met practically five minutes beforehand, WANKING in front of them, on camera, I’d have probably looked into better ways to stop myself getting kidnapped. I mean, I wouldn’t have believed I did this myself. Off my own back. Plymouth, it was. 5 hour journey, it was. Fun, it wasn’t – The journey, that is. In a weird unexpected kind of way, the whole day was fun, but I’ll explain how to you in a bit.

As most people probably are aware, I’m the kind of person who just says it as it is. And not because I feel I should, to make a point, but just because I think that makes most sense. After all, it IS how it IS, so why not say it that way? Porn is a taboo. It is, at least, amongst most of the general public. But it really shouldn’t be. Whether it be gay, straight, bi, tranny, or even perhaps scat (dear lord) – Everybody watches porn. Well, okay, not everybody, but a great bug huge giant chunk of the population does – And people pay to watch, too. Good money, as well. SO, how in God’s name is this a taboo? Nobody really feels they can discuss it openly but it’s something everybody knows exists and everybody must have witnessed, voluntarily or involuntarily at some stage throughout their life. So, why the bad feeling? Because, maybe, it’s more exciting that way?

Yes, perhaps that answer is so blunt and obvious that it’s so far under people’s noses it becomes harder and harder to realise. Porn is sexier when it’s naughty. Well, a lot of things are more fun when you know you shouldn’t be doing them! Porn thrives on this, I think. The day porn is recognised as an acceptable art form, or is finally recognised as, usually, the best and only way for teens to get an idea of what they’re actually supposed to be doing during a shag, or ever becomes mainstream and is advertised willy nilly about the city, on billboards, buses, magazines – Is the day it gets boring. We like to be a little bit rebellious. Teens wouldn’t watch porn if it was shown to them by their parents. I know one of the only reasons I went back for more and more was because of the rush it gave me looking at these images of men that I simply ’shouldn’t be seeing’. The day porn isn’t a taboo is not the day it goes out of business, it’s just the day it becomes like every other business out there. Normal and boring. Prone to more and more mistakes. I’m not saying I wouldn’t like to see porn a little bit more accepted, but let’s face it, we want to keep it cool.

But anyhow, as a youngster I watched porn and as a youngster I took pictures of myself and, as a youngster, eventually I recorded video. I am certainly not stupid enough to believe I was the only 15 year old doing this. But through this, I kind of saw past all the bad feeling round porn and saw it for what it was. A bit of fun (so long as it is practised safely), some light relief and, to be honest, easy money. I mean, if people think you’re fit and you have the confidence to believe them, you can do porn. And, you don’t have to be some Bel Ami boy to do well. Look at the internet – Look at the amount of weirdos sprawled across it. Fat men, hairy men, men that are actually women, fat-hairy-men-that-are-actually-women-and-enjoy-eating-poo – They’re all there! If that’s you though, good luck in finding a website with that exact criteria.

Naturally then, proper porn became something I always wanted to have a stab at. You hear so much about it being so dirty and grotty, and I by no means doubt that some porn is like that, but that’s the dirty and grotty stuff. If you wanna be dirty and grotty, then that’s fine by me. But, as I grew older I started looking more into the way it was presented and found out guys like Brent Corrigan, Everett, Breion Diamond and Pierre Fitch existed. Now, they’re just a few names out the hat. But, and I don’t know if it is the same with straight porn, I realised people were making themselves celebrities out of this. People were making money out of making porn look better and better from behind the scenes too. I mean, it’s so bloody interesting. Something so simple as the human body kicking up such a great big fuss! Nonetheless, it was only a matter of time (kind of around 18 years) until I applied to do some proper porn. And that is where the inspiration for this post comes from.

I did proper porn. A solo video, just what the BF would allow – And it went well. Never wear new underpants when doing porn though – You’ll end up with fluff. Endless, stubborn fluff that will never give into smothering your cock and balls, especially when there’s lube around. That was a bastard. Fucking fluff. Kind of got on my nerves but just carried on having a wank, there’s not much else you can do! Same goes for socks too. Sock fluff everywhere. I thought it’d be a nice idea to get new socks and pants but clearly I was better off bunging on a pair of once-long-lost Ginch Gonch briefs. The main issue that takes you entirely by surprise however is not the fluff, no – It’s that, no matter how stubbornly you believe you can get wood whenever you like, you can’t bloody well get stiff when it counts! I mean, perhaps it’s because there’s such a big thing about it – SO much talk of staying hard perhaps places a negative thought in your head about your own performance, which evolves into a mental block. It’s the thought you might not get a boner that does exactly that – Stops you getting one. Seriously though, I get hard on the bus, on the train, in Sainsbury’s – Everywhere you don’t need a fucking boner but when I go somewhere specifically to show it off, it decides to become shy. If the flop gets you, you have to work so hard, mentally, to overcome it. Thinking of my wonderful boyfriend eventually did the trick for me, but all the while you aren’t rock hard you’re worrying – What if you never get a boner again!? Of course, that’s silly. But just because you can encourage a boner wherever and whenever you like, or develop one all the time by accident, it never is for certain that you’ll end up with one in front of the cameras.

The ‘lads’ who did the shoot with me were wonderful. All that dirt and grot that people think exist behind the scenes in porn isn’t the case at ‘BlakeMason’! They did their best to make me feel at home, free to ‘perform’ (or ‘work’) and they were truly friendly, polite and funny people. Not the kind of pervs people imagine to be working on that kind of website. If I’d have felt pressured in any way, there’d have been no boner from me all day. Guaranteed.

Jesse at BlakeMason

It’s normal. Completely normal, and that’s what really makes me smile about porn. It really is normal, and thank god. Thank god people THINK it’s NOT, otherwise it wouldn’t be anywhere near as successful as it is! People in these videos have lives, have real life personality, have houses, cars, jobs, boyfriends, mums, dads – The lot. Everything you’ve got too – The only difference being that they’ve found a better way of making money than you – You idiot!

Of course – I have a boyfriend, you know that. And he wasn’t entirely happy with my ‘obsession’ regarding porno but I am terribly lucky to have found a guy who’s prepared to accept me for who I am and take note of what fascinates me, whatever that may be. And, exactly the same to him – We both try our hardest to understand each other and if not, come to some sort of compromise. Having said that, I’m not gonna go fucking other guys for porn if he doesn’t want me to – And, if he doesn’t want me to, I don’t want to. If he does, then that’s fine and dandy! – But, I’d rather include him in the fun to be honest. I love that guy so much, he’s beyond my wildest dreams and I thank him as much as possible for completing my life. Everything else can come as it may, because I’ve found what I really need in him.

What next? Who knows. More porn? Probably. Hopefully.

I’m going to bed incredibly pleased with myself today. It’s fantastic getting paid such a lovely sum of money for a sweaty wank on a boat but more importantly, I’ve ticked that box. Having simply just touched on porn, having tried it out, I feel as though that little ambition I’ve always wanted to explore has now been fulfilled. And, that’s a brilliantly rewarding feeling.

‘Kid British’ – Remember that name you’ll be screaming it later!

BGT Tagging on Facebook

I’ve never created one of these before but thought I’d give it a go and it’s rather good, even if I do say so myself! Save it, and upload it to Facebook, tagging all of your friends as the appropriate captions – Especially if you and your friends have been addicted to BGT this year!

REMEMBER – You saw it here first!

EXCLUSIVE VIDEO – Harley is THE sex!

Harley got his bum waxed for fun at the purple headed emo’s house. I caught some of the fun on camera so decided to slow it down, extend some groans and add a sexy track and give you an almighty orgasm. Have a look, click the link. You’ll see what I mean.

Harley’s Smooth Bod! @ Yahoo! Video

The purple headed emo began a viscous rumor that Harley is contaminated with chalmydia but, to be honest, he’d have to have a lot more to stop me lookin’!

Of course, it’s no secret that Harley could just be one of the sexiest men walking the earth. Some of you may know, in my spare time, I scribble down a few comical cartoons based from, and perhaps exaggerating, real-life events – I couldn’t help but include Harley in one, eventually. It also features Roo and the purple headed emo – It’s below.

If you agree that Harley’s package needs devouring, leave a splendidly appreciative comment on this post, or the on the video, for him – It might get him a little excited!

2006 saw the start of something special

Somewhat Poetic

I’m in one of those moods where I write down a couple of sentences and imagine it being somewhat poetic.

I think that what I’m writing will one day be insightful to read. Am I wrong?

I think so. It’s simply a useful techinque to perhaps express some positive/negative emotion that’s building up inside.

I’m wondering where my life is heading and although I’ve always wondered this, it has never been more pronounced.

I’m not getting old but I’m no longer young.

Up ’til now I’ve been able to gamble. To ‘just go do stuff’ because I’ve had all the time in the world.

Now, the clock has begun ticking and the descisions I make are all the more crucial.

I need to figure out what it really is I want to do next. And then, what it is I can actually do next.

But, something is blocking my way. I have no idea what it is. I’m looking to my past to try and figure out what is missing and I can’t find anything.

There’s this new, negativity inside, subtle, but present.

It is not from choice, possibly from burden after burden. Problem after problem.

Something I used to be able to deal with has begun to eat away. Well, nibble.

But such a small change creates a larger impact in someone who never expected it.

This negativity manifests itself in the strangest of ways. In a form of self destruction.

My body knows what it should be doing, and so does my mind. But if one rebels, the other follows.

Days are beginning to merge with one another and time is truly flying, all without a clue as to what could be next.

I need to focus my attention on what makes a difference. And, it’s the little things.

For one moment, forget about the larger worries. Stop expecting shit to go down.

Establish a routine once again. Friendlier habbits.

Go to bed happy, early. Wake up the same.

Drink plenty of water. Exercise.

Eventually motivation will strike you again and you’ll be on your way.

But, if anyone has read this far remember -

The big issues can bring you right down to the ground but never forever.